Con·fi·dence/ˈkänfədəns/: A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

I think we can agree that at one point or another, we’ve experienced a lack of confidence --- whether that be in the physical qualities we possess or what we believe we’re capable of achieving. 

Confidence is a muscle we have to nurture consistently until it becomes our instinctive state of being.

Here are four actionable tips to guide you to finding your poise and building your self-esteem.

1. Practice Speaking Highly of Yourself

In “The Four Agreements” written by Don Miguel Ruiz, he notes the first agreement: Be Impeccable with your Word. Ruiz writes, “The word is a force; it is the power you have to  express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life.”

Let that resonate for a moment.

When you speak, what are you conveying, thus creating?

Using words against yourself such as “I’m so stupid,” is ultimately creating space for others to think of you the same. Remember, we are all reflections of one another. What others see in us, is oftentimes a mirror of what we see in ourselves, first. 

Practice the art of being kind to yourself, even with your thoughts. Tell yourself how great you are until you believe it. Feed your mind thoughts of how loved, creative, amazing of a person you are. The more you think it, the more you begin to believe it. And the more you believe it, the more you embody what you truly think of yourself.

Purchase "The Four Agreements" HERE on Amazon. 

2. Work on Your Physical Appearance

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Are you telling yourself that you’re beautiful? Are you loving yourself past your perceived imperfections?

Putting intentional effort in maintaining your appearance isn't vain. In fact, it’s the epitome of self-love and respect. How you show up for yourself communicates how you expect others to show up for you, and essentially treat you. What message are you sending?

To add, when you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you exude an air of confidence that is attractive and welcoming.

3. Invest in your Personal Development 

Building your confidence has less to do with the external and a lot more to do with the internal.

Who do you believe yourself to be? What are you feeding your mind? What are you telling yourself about yourself? These are critical questions we need to ask ourselves, periodically. 

If there's something that you wish you knew, research on it. You don't have to know everything, but knowing enough to carry you through conversations with people who’re more educated on the topic is critical. And when you don’t know, have the humility to ask questions and the curiosity to learn more. 

Challenge yourself to read on topics you may not find interest in, but is good to know. Learn more about your industry. Google vocabulary words that you come across, but aren’t familiar with. Make it a habit to implement these tips in your day to day. In essence, what you’re really doing is building yourself up and taking responsibility over your life.

Knowledge is power and investing in your personal development is a key component to building your confidence.  

4. Stretch Yourself Past Your Comfort Zone

To be more confident, you have to get comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable.

A lot of us shy away from putting ourselves in vulnerable situations: public speaking, asking questions, initiating conversation with strangers, etc. If you can handle yourself in uncomfortable situations without shutting down or regressing, you certainly have the will to become a more confident individual. Discomfort invites growth and pushes you past your self-imposed limiting beliefs.

Confucius once said, “The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life.” Many choose the former of not asking a question (or putting themselves in uncomfortable positions) in the name of comfortability. Don’t be like many. 

Being confident isn’t something that you’ll be or feel 100% of the time. We’ll have moments where we feel less confident than we did the day before. The key is to get to the point where there's a sense of personal security, despite your shortcomings.

This is a life-long commitment, but I believe in you!

Comment some more tips and advice on building confidence below!